Luci
by jigglyfrog
Summary: Severus/Lucius slash. Memory, Lucius angst, sweet flashbacks...


Author's note: I don't own Severus Snape or Lucius Malfoy, although I really wish I did. The writing and slashy goodness comes from me, but the characters? They belong to the wondrous, idol-worthy JK Rowling (all rights reserved). Flashbacks and flash forwards contain some angst and rated R for SLASH. R&R please! For Elissa.  
  
Luci  
  
I'm watching my reflection. I'm always so critical. Everything has to be perfect, from my hair to how many sit-ups I did that morning. It's a ritual.  
  
I run my fingers over my stomach and hipbones, and set my smile, reaching for my shirt. The mirror makes an appreciative noise, and I'm ready for the world.  
  
*****  
  
"Luci! I love you!"  
  
Severus hugs Lucius tightly and grinned. Lucius picked him up instinctively and spun him round, before collapsing them both on the bed.  
  
"I love you so much. And... did you lose weight?"  
  
Lu's arms wrap around Severus, and Sev plays idly with Lu's chest.  
  
"Now it's not even a strong breeze that will bowl me over..." He laughs, then becomes serious. "I've been... fasting... because of my father."  
  
*****  
  
I'm meeting with Ministry Officials today, but I can't concentrate. I don't show this, of course, but I don't seem to be able to push the thoughts away this morning.  
  
It's always about him, and I hate it. I can go on and on about how I never should have become involved in the first place, and how I never should have promised him Always, but the truth is, I still mean that.  
  
I want to escape.  
  
*****  
  
Lucius brushed a stray hair from Sev's forehead.  
  
"You're going to eat now, right?"  
  
"Yes, of course."  
  
He smiles, and with a look of rapt concentration, slides his hand between them, to feel Sev's tummy.  
  
"It's definitely growling."  
  
"Mmm... you horrid tease."  
  
"What? I'm merely expressing concern for your well-being?"  
  
Severus runs a hand down Lu's side to touch him. Lucius inhales sharply, and grins, kissing Sev firmly, then pulling back.  
  
"Alright, first of all... I am not the tease and second... Are you hungry?"  
  
*****  
  
I don't go to lunch like I planned. I cancel everything and go home, and walk. I don't want to dwell - Marisa told me a long time ago that it was against my nature. But I'm sat in the orchard, by the swing, and I'm thinking about him again.  
  
Maybe I should write, but I'm fairly sure he would burn my letters. And what you I say? "Dear Severus, I'm sorry...?" Sorry for what? For wrecking his life? For marrying someone else? For picking him back up at every opportunity, when I should have let him go?  
  
Last time we were in each other's company all we could do was argue - we set out expecting nothing, and look what we got. Father would be so proud.  
  
*****  
  
Sev hugged Lucius, and smiled.  
  
"Yes".  
  
Lu laughed, and rolled them over, pinning Sev down by his wrists, and licking up the side of his neck.  
  
"We can order food if you like..."  
  
Severus' eyes darken, his lips parting, reddening.  
  
"Anything."  
  
"Anything?"  
  
A wicked grin. Lucius sucks hard on the skin of Severus' neck, and leaves a trail of hot, wet kiss down towards his collar. Sev arcs towards him.  
  
"Lucius! Please."  
  
His fingers tangle in Lu's hair, and Lucius' eyes lift, flashing dark.  
  
"I thought you were hungry."  
  
*****  
  
I'm twenty five years old. I have a wife, I have a son, and the perfect picture is tainted only by my inconstancy. It isn't even that Severus is the only person I ever cheated on Narcissa with - far from it, though hardly the point. I feel all the time like I'm cheating on him.  
  
He was mine first. We tried to run away, but it landed us back on square one, and lonely again. Sev is at Hogwarts now, I think. I want to visit, but it'll end up being when Draco is accepted. I can't wait that long.  
  
Why can I never be frank with anyone? I'm old enough and free enough to decide for myself, and yet... the memories are haunting me. I should take the ring off, and end it finally. Or fly to school tonight, and beg for him back.  
  
*****  
  
"God Lucius, I'll beg if you want me to... please, please!"  
  
Lucius leans up on one arm, leisurely undoing the buttons of Sev's shirt, and smirks.  
  
"Beg? Now there's an idea..."  
  
Severus moans wildly, and shakes his head.  
  
"Lucius, please, I need you..."  
  
Lucius slides down to one side of Severus, and rests his head on his arm, watching Severus, enthralled. He runs his fingers under the fabric of Sev's shirt, and grazes his nails over Sev's nipples. His voice softens.  
  
"I don't want you to beg, Sev..."  
  
*****  
  
When I think back to those days, the memory is fuzzy, but the acts, the promises - crystal clear. No, I don't regret it, any of it. I might regret some of my attitude later, and some things said in frustration and anger...  
  
I wrap my arms around my waist and watch the sunset, then close my eyes, and imagine him there. He would touch my shoulder gently, or sneak up on my and hug me from behind. I miss him.  
  
"Lucius?" 


End file.
